"Are you tired of me? Am I a burden to you? Are you tired of my endless rant?", I asked. "No", he answered. "But clar, you have to help yourself too. You have to relax".
Last Wednesday, I went back to my psychiatrist due to frequent breakdowns. There are days when I just don't want to continue living. Sometimes I feel like my family and friends are tired of listening to my rants about how much I don't understand what's going through my head. Not everyone can handle people with depression but fortunately, I am blessed enough that I have a few people close to me who are capable of managing breakdowns, anxiety attacks, and suicidal thoughts.
First, I want to sincerely apologize. I know most of you are busy yet you still take time to lend an ear. I apologize if I randomly text people with thoughts of ending my life -- I just can't help it. I can't control my emotions and I need to share it so I can prevent myself from doing it. Don't worry, I understand if people have other priorities and cannot respond back to my calls.
But thank you everyone, thank you for taking good care of me, thank you for endlessly reminding me that there are people who are willing to go an extra mile just to remind me that this is a beautiful world. I really appreciate people who would text you randomly just to make sure you're okay.
I am praying and hoping that this struggle will end soon. As my medication increases, I know I would be needing more support from you guys and the people around me.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP?
*applies to me and your friends with depression*
1. REMIND ME THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME
I humbly ask you guys to randomly remind me that there are people who truly care about me. This fight is getting harder and harder for me.
2. REMIND ME OF ALL THE GOOD MEMORIES AND LAUGHTERS
Sometimes, it is nice to go back to the good old days, where I can laugh thinking of nothing but pure/genuine joy and happiness. Please if you have good memories with me, feel free to message me. I may not reply asap but you can be certain that I am reading and highly appreciate them.
3. REMIND ME THAT THERE'S A GOD
I am humbly asking for your prayers. Let's pray together.
Today, I humbly ask for your help. My doctor upped my dosage and I have additional antidepressant medicine. Thank you!